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Whatever Swisher Wants, Swisher Gets

2012/12/20
The 1955 Original Cast Recording

The 1955 Original Cast Recording (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the musical “Damn Yankees,” the Devil sends the seductress Lola to seal his deal with slugger Joe Hardy by stealing him away from his wife. How fitting then that Mark Shapiro chose Chef Michael Symon’s Lola Bistro as the setting for his own seduction of erstwhile Yankee Nick Swisher Monday night.

Shapiro might need the services of the Dark Lord to sway Swisher, who reportedly would prefer to play in Los Angeles where his wife, the actress Joanna Garcia, makes her living. Cleveland, for all its charms, undeniably lacks career opportunities for Mrs. Swisher.

But no job openings seem to exist in L.A. for her husband either. The Angels have no room in the outfield after signing Josh Hamilton, who might know a thing or two about Faustian bargains. And the Dodgers, who have more money than God, can’t seem to find a taker for Andre Ethier and the contract extension they signed him to last June. Perhaps the Lord does work in mysterious ways.

Of course, the demands of marriage are not the only influence on Swisher’s decision.  As a young ballplayer with the A’s, Swisher once told a roomful of fans at Fanfest that, while loyalty was nice, he would play for whoever paid him the most money. Now 32 years old, Swisher might not get another chance at a long-term, big-money contract.

Who could blame him, then, for balking at the Indians’ reported offer of four years and $52 million when his statistical inferior Ethier got five years and $85 million? And Hamilton’s deal just provides 125 million more reasons for Swisher to keep looking.

They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but could the contents of a man’s stomach betray what’s in his heart? If Chef Symon knows, he isn’t telling. Symon said in an email that “we don’t ‘kiss & tell’ with our customers…go tribe!!!”

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